


The Sum of Light

by sadzemnianwizard



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oneshot, Reunions, i'm so sorry i have no idea how to tag things, no beta we die like men, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:53:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25121950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadzemnianwizard/pseuds/sadzemnianwizard
Summary: Caleb Widogast was all too familiar with loss. He knew the ever-present fatigue that dragged down at the corners of his consciousness like he knew the scars that swirled up his arms. The ache in his chest was as regular as his own heartbeat, the grief just another one of the many pains that haunted his dreams, night and day. Until-
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 2
Kudos: 60





	The Sum of Light

Caleb Widogast was all too familiar with loss. He knew the ever-present fatigue that dragged down at the corners of his consciousness like he knew the scars that swirled up his arms. The ache in his chest was as regular as his own heartbeat, the grief just another one of the many pains that haunted his dreams, night and day. 

The loss of Mollymauk resonated through his veins, filling his mind with the gray static of listlessness even as he blocked out the rest of the world, curling in on himself. Eyes unfocused, he wandered through the streets of Nicodranas mindlessly. As much as he cared for the rest of the Mighty Nein, they were too much. Even Nott was too much right now; he was so undeserving that her love overwhelmed him. They were better without him. Besides, he deserved nothing less, than to be alone. 

Empty. 

He wandered through the streets with no particular destination. His usual keen sense of time slipped from his mind, the waves of  _ nothingness _ overtaking his mind. 

The first noise to pierce through the low buzz in his ears was the jingle of metal. It was a quiet sound, certainly not one that should have filtered through the noise of the people around him. He forced himself to focus, years of instinct clicking into place as he scanned his surroundings. It was just enough for him to catch a glimpse of purple and red and a spark of gold through the crowd. His stomach dropped as his heart raced, hope pouring through his veins for a heartbeat before it was shattered by his painfully perfect memory.

“ _ Dämlich _ , Widogast. You stupid man. He is gone,” Caleb muttered under his breath, clenching his fists. His fingernails bit into his palms, the sting grounding him.

In spite of himself, Caleb’s gaze followed that spark, the flicker of hope addictive, even if it was impossible. His heart stuttered, catching in his chest.

_ It’s - _

Before he could even finish his own thought, he was running, weaving through the crowd. Shouts erupted from behind him as he slammed into shoulders and arms, stumbling on the uneven cobblestones, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not when -

_ “MOLLYMAUK!” _

The cry ripped itself from his throat, already scraped raw from tears shed in silence. His chest heaved as he slid to a stop, just as the figure turned towards the clamor Caleb had unintentionally caused. 

Standing before him was a vision of beauty. His dream of elegance and artistry, carved of amethyst, gold chains dripping from curling horns. He looked somehow bare without his signature scarlet jacket, but no less entrancing. Molly wore a simple white blouse, sleeves puffing out at the shoulder and cinching at the wrist. The neckline dipped in a steep V, almost to his waist, revealing countless thin scars. Caleb felt a pang as he noticed the twisted scar across his solar plexus, framed by layers of necklaces and chains, the gnarled tissue all too reminiscent of the scars that laced his own arms. His eyes traced further down, darting past leather pants that sent his head spinning, before flicking back up to scarlet eyes framed by curls of deep purple. Caleb wondered how he ever thought those smooth red eyes were expressionless; he could see joy and relief and hope and something that he prayed might be - but dared not call - love. 

And even as he was still processing the specter before him, he was wrapping himself around Molly. Every torch burned a little brighter. The world’s formerly muted shades burst into the fullest of splendor as he wrapped Molly up in a hug. The world fell away as he breathed in  _ Molly _ \- senses overwhelmed with lavender and lilac as he buried his nose into the crook of Molly’s neck. Warm arms wrapped around his neck as he felt a chin tuck over his shoulder. He was certain that Molly must be able to feel his heart, which threatened to burst through his chest. 

“I did what you asked of me,” Caleb whispered into Molly’s jacket, eyes still squeezed shut for fear that if he opened them, Molly might be gone. 

“Darling, I never asked anything of you,” Molly chuckled, laughter vibrating through his chest and filling the hole in Caleb’s soul. “All I ever wanted was you.”

Caleb pulled back for a moment, hands resting on Molly’s waist, searching those beautiful red eyes for something he couldn’t name. His hands traced upwards, hovering over the base of his jaw for a moment before Molly leaned into his touch. Caleb ran a thumb across his cheekbone just for the sheer joy of being able to do so, unable to look away. Molly practically purred under his touch, and he marveled at this person who had not only come back to this life, but had chosen him. Molly turned his face up towards Caleb like a flower blossoming in the sun, seemingly subconsciously, but subtle and soft nonetheless. 

Quickly, almost instinctively, Caleb pressed a kiss to Molly’s forehead, just between his eyebrows. For a moment, Caleb felt him tense, before the tension dissolved with a trust and a peace that baffled him. Molly’s skin was warm beneath his lips, and Caleb concluded he could spend the rest of his life tracing his lips over patterns unseen, just as long as it was  _ Molly _ .

_ “Fügen Sie Ihr Licht zur Summe des Lichts.”  _ Caleb murmured the words like a prayer, a mantra he had repeated to himself for so many months. Molly closed his eyes, letting the words sink into his skin and wash over him, the weight of the words humming through his body. 

Caleb took a deep breath and pressed their foreheads together, staring into scarlet eyes bright with unshed tears. He brushed his fingertips across the peacock feather, featherlight touches tracing down Molly’s jawline. “A very wise person one told me, “Add your light to the sum of light.” For a very long time, I did not know what that meant. And then I saw you. You were the light, and I watched as you made every place a little bit brighter. You gave of yourself even when I thought that surely, you could have nothing left to give. And I- I am a damned soul, with no light in him to give, but for the fire that can do nothing but destroy.”

“Now, Caleb-”

Caleb cut him off with a slight shake of his head. “I am a garbage human, Mollymauk. But for you, I tried to leave every town, every person, a little bit brighter than when I found it. Because that is what you did for me.”

“Caleb, I-” Too overwhelmed for words, Molly flew right back into Caleb’s chest, horns pressed against his collarbone. Caleb dimly registered the wetness of tears against his chest, but he could not bring himself to move - not when he had such a beautiful creature wrapped around him. Caleb enveloped Molly once again, arms enclosing him protectively. 

“Now, come on, everyone is waiting for you.” Caleb rubbed Molly’s shoulders, squeezing him tight. 

Molly let out a wet laugh, wiping away tears. “I can’t see them like this, I’m already a wreck! Look at what you’ve done to me, Mister Caleb.”

Caleb’s stomach fluttered. “Mollymauk, you are beautiful. Always.”

“You flatter me, darling,” Molly giggled, running a hand through his hair as he sniffled.

“It is only flattery if it is not true. You are truly stunning, and I will not stand to hear otherwise.” Caleb looked directly into Molly’s eyes, blue meeting red. 

Molly blushed faintly - so light that it might have gone unnoticed, if he didn’t know exactly what to look for. Caleb committed the image to memory and silently swore that he, Caleb Widogast, would be responsible for that exact expression on Molly many,  _ many _ more times. 

Wordlessly, Molly reached out and laced his fingers through Caleb’s. Caleb looked down at their joined hands, then back up at Molly’s bright grin, and smiled softly. 

**Author's Note:**

> Caleb's quote, "fügen Sie Ihr Licht zur Summe des Lichts", was originally written by Leo Tolstoy in English. It reads, "Add your light to the sum of light."
> 
> If you'll excuse some pontification from the author, it is a quote I try to live my life by. It doesn't mean move mountains, and there is no inherent standard to it. It simply means to take that which is good in you and put it back into the world. Leave it just that much better of a place than when you came into it. 
> 
> And hell, it's such a Molly quote, is it not?


End file.
